he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My vagina just clenched in fear
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize