did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
