Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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