help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
