Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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