Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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