Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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