I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
