What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
