how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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