In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
