i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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