Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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