do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
