If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
