the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
