No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
