my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
