Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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