I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
