her facebook's as public as her vagina
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
