Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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