You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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