i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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