Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
