no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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