belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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