I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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