we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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