I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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