Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
