Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
