he wants to bone in the snuggie
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
