My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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