you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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