good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Someone came in the potted fern
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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