My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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