How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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