i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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