Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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