so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
