oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just googled if crying burns calories
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
