I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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