I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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