cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
