she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
