WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
