you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
