All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
