It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
