well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
