I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
