Someone shit on the floor
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
