His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
