wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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