1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
