You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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