oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
