mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
worst night to have a conscience
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
