If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
