Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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