How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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