If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
