the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
