im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
