I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize