I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
