i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
