Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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