I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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