she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
