just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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