they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
