could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
