I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
